Connecting With Your Bi-Identity

There are multiple ways that someone can express or connect with their bi-identity without losing the relationship or themselves. Many of the issues our clients face when deciding this for themselves stem from internalised biphobia - but you can explore and honour your bisexuality while still honouring your heterosexual relationship.

Unhelpful assumptions people might make about being bisexual and in a monogamous cisgendered heterosexual relationship:

  • Is simply not possible

  • Means they have “chosen a side”, 

  • Means they are not “bi enough”, 

  • Means they will inevitably cheat on their partner

These assumptions stem from the stigma surrounding bisexuality and internalised biphobia.

Connecting with your bi identity may feel difficult while in a monogamous, cisgendered & heterosexual relationship - whether you came out as bi before or after starting the relationship.

Sexual orientation is about attraction, sexual and/or romantic. This means that connecting to your bi identity does not need to involve sex outside of the relationship, if monogamy is what you and your partner practice.

Connecting to your bi-identity can mean:

  • Simply noticing and accepting your attraction to others

  • Attending queer events with or without your partner

  • Connecting with other bi folk

  • Joining a queer community, IRL or online

  • Seeking out queer literature, artwork, tv shows and cinema

  • Watching ethical, non-heteronormative porn with or without your partner

  • Engaging in new kinds of play and fantasy that honours your bi identity

  • Discussing your bi identity and sharing what it means to you openly and honestly with those who love and care about you

  • Choosing to come out to family and friends, if safe to do so

Your bisexuality does not invalidate the love and attraction you have for your partner - and this same love and attraction to your partner does not cancel out your sexual orientation.

Regardless of your relationships and how you express your identity, your bisexuality should be celebrated!

This blog post is a brief exploration of this topic and does not replace therapy. At SHIPS, we have practitioners that are knowledgeable and skilled in a variety of areas including sex therapy, relationships and more. If you may benefit from some support, please check out our website resources, or contact us.

We are also always happy to hear feedback about our blog articles. If you would like to share your experience or feel we may have missed something on this topic, please contact us to let us know.

AUTHOR

Javiera Dastres
Senior Psychologist

Relationships, Mental HealthSHIPS Psychology