If you’re experiencing painful sex, you are not alone! Painful sex is much more common than you would think, as many as 20% of people with vulva’s experience persistent or recurrent genital pain immediately before, during, or after sex.

The medical term for this is Dyspareunia. There are lots of different causes and experiences of Dyspareunia but it can often involve burning, pain, and discomfort in the vulva (Vulvodynia) and/or involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles (Vaginismus) resulting in painful sex.

Did you know that we can experience painful sex regardless of age, medical history, life circumstances, beliefs, desires, and personality? And, that painful sex can be due to a whole range of psychological and/or medical reasons. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't receive a diagnosis or adequate treatment for it because MOST people with vulvas who have had painful sex believe that they are the only ones who are experiencing pain (or may believe that sex is meant to be painful, full stop) and continue to suffer in silence. Painful sex has been called a ‘silent epidemic’ by health professionals, because it’s something that most folk just don’t feel comfortable talking about. And this makes sense considering how taboo talking about sex is, and how sex negative our society continues to be.

Another fact, most women who experience painful sex are in their late teens to early 20’s whilst having penis and vagina sex. This might because:

There is not adequate information available to your people about how bodies become aroused and experience pleasure (if you are not aroused or lubricated this can make sex painful for most people)
Media and our social environment gives us the idea that women ‘should’ engage in sex in order to be a ‘good’ partner, this can results in ‘compliant’ sex, even when you are not in the mood
Young adults might learn that penis and vagina sex is the only way to have sex

There is a strong link between sexual trauma and painful sex and unfortunately this a common experience for young women

These are all big ideas to unpack so if any of them resonate – talk to your practitioner about these in a session.

Finally, I want to shout from the rooftops that you deserve pleasurable, pain free sex (if you want to have sex, because if you don’t that is fine too!).

Here are some things to remember if you are thinking about seeking out help:

If you experience sex that is painful, then the first thing is to let your GP know. Remember, that sometimes painful sex can indicate other issues, such as abdominal disorders, congential factors, gastroinetestinal issues, pelvic scarring, trauma, urologic, and ovarian disorders.
If you feel embarrassed to talk to your GP, remember, you are 1 in 5 who experience this – so you are not alone! GP’s hear about these symptoms all the time.
If you don't get a diagnosis or treatment options, find another GP who has training in women's sexual health.
If you get a diagnosis of dyspareunia, then talk to your GP about taking a multidisciplinary approach. This might involve a pelvic floor Physiotherapist, as well as a Psychologist.

At SHIPS, our Psychologists are experienced and trained in treating dyspareunia, vulvodynia, and vaginismus, so that (if you want) you can work towards experiencing joyful, playful, relaxing, and pleasurable sex. Hurrah!