Am I Bi Enough?
Like many others in the LGBTIQA+ community, many bisexual people struggle with feelings of inadequacy and shame. This is often due to internalised biphobia and the pressure to conform to certain expectations about what it means to be bisexual.
Sexual orientation is purely about sexual and/or romantic attraction to others. This means that the label that you choose to describe your sexuality is not about who you’ve had sexual and/or romantic experiences with; it’s about who you are attracted to. How you experience attraction is individual to you; there is no right or wrong way to feel attraction for others. It’s normal for attraction to change over time, and it can be expressed differently in each different connection, situation, and relationship. Someone can have no doubt about their heterosexuality without having had any sexual or romantic connections with another person. Much the same, being bisexual is not about whether or not you’ve had different sexual or romantic experiences with different people of different gender identities.
Some bisexual people like to use the term ‘baby queer’ to describe their journey of living and being their authentic bisexual self; it can be a way to describe that they are newly out, newly active in the community, unsure about their identity, or sexually or romantically inexperienced in comparison to others. But it can also, unintentionally, bring about shame and questions about whether they are bi enough. It is important to remember that sexuality is a (non-linear, divergent, and wonderfully intricate) spectrum, and this means that there is no one way to be who you are. What makes you bisexual is your own unique identity, experiences and expression, not how you measure up to the expectations of others.
But it’s also okay to not feel ‘bi enough’. No matter what, you are deserving of love and acceptance. There are so many wonderfully supportive communities out there, and it’s important to find one that's right for you.
If you’re questioning your sexuality, you are bi enough.
If you like referring to yourself as a ‘baby queer’, you are bi enough.
If you’ve never been in a sexual or romantic relationship, you are bi enough.
If you’re in a monogamous cisgender heterosexual relationship, you are bi enough.
If you’ve only been in heterosexual relationships, you are bi enough.
If you’ve only been in homosexual relationships, you are bi enough.
If you’re experiencing internalised biphobia, you are bi enough.
If you don’t feel bi enough, you are bi enough.
You are enough.
This blog post is a brief exploration of this topic and does not replace therapy. At SHIPS, we have practitioners that are knowledgeable and skilled in a variety of areas including sex therapy, relationships and more. If you may benefit from some support, please check out our website resources, or contact us.
We are also always happy to hear feedback about our blog articles. If you would like to share your experience or feel we may have missed something on this topic, please contact us to let us know.
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AUTHOR
Javiera Dastres
Senior Psychologist