Using porn is part of most people’s sexual experiences and development. When we view porn before we have had any real life sexual contact, this shapes our sexuality profoundly. Because we don’t talk about porn publicly or even socially, this makes it less likely that we have spaces to build awareness around the impacts and implications. Porn can be arousing, inspiring and can help people connect to their sexuality with freedom. It can also have neurological and sexual impacts that can be pretty distressing for people and relationships further down the line.

This information is based on my PhD research, literature reviews, and work with clients conducted during this process (for more information, see journal article I have published below). It is my hope that providing this information can help you understand your experience with porn so that you can make informed decisions about what is right for you, your relationships and sexuality.

What you need to know about how watching porn changes your brain:

Orgasm is one of the most powerful kinds of neurological rewards (dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin)
Your brain is motivated by rewards so it creates a neurological link between a stimulus and reward (kind of like a map so it can get back to the reward when needed)
When you orgasm/masturbate and look at porn, this creates a neural association of reward. The neural map of connections include: what you are looking at (the content of porn), what is going on in your mind (eg. viewing people as sexual objects) and the sensation of masturbation.
If the content is shocking/exciting/or risky your brain can also associate adrenaline with this reward too. This is like a heighted cocktail of reward - think espresso martini rather than just a regular one.
Therefore, in order to get the same reward again, you need to be shocked/or excited again.
But… your brain becomes habituated or desensitised to the content. This might mean you need to escalate the shocking nature of the content or just keep searching for something new.

How porn can contribute positively to your sexuality:

You might find content that makes you feel normal about your body
You might find a kink or fetish that you find really arousing and it adds to your sexual experience with yourself or others
It might make you feel more normal about your exisiting sexual peferences
You might experience a sense of freedom around sexual exploration
It might take your pleasure to new levels
It might inspire you to try new activities with partner/s

How using porn is very different from sexual contact with another person:

It does not involve physical touch
It does not involve emotionally connecting with another person
It does not involve you being emotionally present with yourself
You do not need to worry about the experience of the other person
You don’t need to worry about the pleasure of another person
You have total control over the experience

Information that is missing from (some) porn:

Accurate depictions of consent
Accurate depiction of bodies
Accurate depiction of pleasure (or what pleasure looks like for an individual person)
Awkward and silly moments that are part of having sex with another person/s

How porn can impact on your relationships:

If you have reward pathways setup by porn, it might make it difficult to become aroused/orgasm with another person through sexual contact
It might give you ideas or inspiration to try new things with your partner
It may give you unrealistic expectations about what to expect from your partner/s around what they will do, how they will look and what will bring them pleasure
It might increase or decrease your libido and desire for sex with your partner
It might not teach you how to engage in sexual experience consensually and respectfully
It might make you feel critical of your own body or sexual performance
It might lead you to look at your partner as a sexual object during sexual experiences and not consider their needs or preferences
You might prefer using porn than having sex (because it doesnt feel as vulnerable, you have control, or your have been habituated to experience peak pleasure from it), and this might lead to conflict/lack of satisfaction in your relationships

How you might feel about your partner’s porn use:

Betrayed - some people feel like it is infidelity
Happy that they are enjoying themselves
Indifferent
Jealous of the porn actors that your partner is looking at - it might then lead you to compare your bodies and sexual behaviour to them (usually unfavorably)
Alone - it might mean that you feel isolated from the sexual connection with them if this is where they are putting their sexual energy

References

“Women’s experiences of pornography: A systematic review of research using qualitative methods” - by Dr Sarah Ashton, Dr Karalyn McDonald & Dr Maggie Kirkman

“Pornography and women’s sexual pleasure: Accounts from young women in Australia” - by Dr Sarah Ashton, Dr Karalyn McDonald & Dr Maggie Kirkman

“What does “pornography” mean in the digital age? Revisiting a definition for researchers” - by Dr Sarah Ashton, Dr Karalyn McDonald & Dr Maggie Kirkman

“Pornography and sexual relationships: Discursive challenges for young women” - by Dr Sarah Ashton, Dr Karalyn McDonald & Dr Maggie Kirkman

This blog post is a brief exploration of this topic and does not replace therapy. At SHIPS, we have practitioners that are knowledgeable and skilled in a variety of areas including sex therapy, relationships and more. If you may benefit from some support, please check out our website resources, or contact us.

We are also always happy to hear feedback about our blog articles. If you would like to share your experience or feel we may have missed something on this topic, please contact us to let us know.