What does non-binary/nonbinary mean?

Non-Binary is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression is not limited by the gender binary and does not correspond with the sex they were assigned at birth.

There are other terms, such as gender-diverse, genderqueer, gender variant, and gender-expansive, that can also mean non-binary.

What is the gender binary?
The gender binary is the classification of gender into two distinct and opposite categories (i.e., boy/man and girl/woman). This classification is based on social systems and/or cultural beliefs and not on science.

There is no one way to be non-binary. Being non-binary can mean:

Identifying with a gender or many genders outside of the gender binary.
Identifying with multiple or all genders (polygender, omnigender, pangender).
Identifying with both genders in the gender binary (bigender).
Identifying mostly with one gender and partially with another gender (demigender).
Not identifying with any gender (agender).
Not subscribing to societal expectations of typical gender expressions or roles (gender nonconforming).
Having a gender presentation that is either mixed or neutral (i.e., androgynous).
Having a gender presentation within the gender binary (i.e., masculine or feminine).
Having a gender identity and presentation that shifts and changes (genderfluid).
Identifying as trans or transgender.
Not identifying as trans or transgender.
Using pronouns within the gender binary (i.e., she/her, he/him)
Using pronouns outside of the gender binary (i.e., they/them, ze/zer, etc)
Transitioning through medical affirmation (i.e., getting surgery, taking hormones) as a way of finding congruence in one’s gender identity.
Not wanting or needing to transition through medical affirmation.
Different things for each individual non-binary person!

Being non-binary is not…

…a sign that someone is confused about their gender.
…the same as being intersex: Intersex people are born with sex characteristics that differ from medical and social norms for female or male bodies. Some intersex people identify with the sex that they were assigned at birth, and some do not.
…a new concept: Non-binary identities have been recognised and present in many cultures and societies worldwide for tens of thousands of years.
…about sexual and romantic orientation: Just like cisgender people (people whose gender identity corresponds with the sex they were assigned at birth), non-binary people can have a variety of sexual and romantic orientations.

How to be an ally

As noted by TransHub.org.au, “allyship isn’t just a description, it’s a doing word, and requires knowing when to take action and change.”

Don’t make assumptions.

Because gender expression can vary from person to person, don’t assume someone’s gender identity based on how they look or present.
Understand that non-binary people form a diverse group of individuals with many different kinds of sexual orientations, identities, life experiences, and terminology and word preferences.
Describe people by features rather than by perceived gender identity or expression, such as “the person in the blue coat” or “the person with the long hair” rather than “that man over there” or “that person wearing feminine clothing”.

Do your own research and educate yourself.

Don’t expect non-binary people to educate you or to want to work on non-binary issues.
When an incorrect assumption is made or it has been pointed out that you have used language or terminology incorrectly, acknowledge, apologise, and self-educate so that you can make fewer mistakes next time.
Learn about and understand the challenges that non-binary people can face in their day-to-day lives due to unsafe spaces, discrimination, and stigma.

Be respectful, always.

Always ask someone’s pronouns and share your own.
Use the name and pronouns a person asks you to use. Don’t ask someone what their dead name was or what their pronouns “used to be”.
Do not share private information about a non-binary person’s life and experience without their permission.
Advocate for non-binary friendly policies that allow for non-binary people to be their true authentic selves.

This blog post is a brief exploration of this topic and does not replace therapy. At SHIPS, we have practitioners that are knowledgeable and skilled in a variety of areas including sex therapy, relationships and more. If you may benefit from some support, please check out our website resources, or contact us.

We are also always happy to hear feedback about our blog articles. If you would like to share your experience or feel we may have missed something on this topic, please contact us to let us know.