Infertility & Self-care

Difficulties getting pregnant (when you want to) can be made more challenging and painful when it seems as though everyone around you is pregnant or having babies. In our very connected world, we are routinely notified of when those we know have gotten engaged, exchanged vows, bought a house, gotten pregnant, and/or had a baby. It can seem as though these are the only relationship milestones that matter and the only ones that can be shared. The assumption made by others might not be if you will get engaged / get married / buy a house / get pregnant / have a baby but when.

Regardless of whether our values and goals do or don’t align with the ones currently celebrated within our society, it can be difficult to avoid feeling pressured, to compare ourselves to others, and experience doubt about our life path. It is important to remind yourself that happy, healthy relationships are more than their milestones and that cultivating a meaningful life is about filling it with what brings you inner peace and moments of joy.

Despite infertility affecting about 1 in 6 Australian couples of reproductive age, it can feel like a lonely and isolating experience. Self-care during this time is incredibly important. Some things to remind yourself:

It’s ok to not be ok. You might be feeling anger, sadness, shame, and confusion for the hopes and dreams that you consciously or subconsciously held around pregnancy. You are allowed to feel your feelings.

You might not find “helpful” words to actually be helpful. Some people want to be told that “everything will be ok” and that “it will happen”. Others want to be told stories of hope. These might also be some things that you want to hear. Or you might find them to be unhelpful. You are allowed to ask for what you need and don’t need to hear right now, regardless of the intentions of the other person.

It’s ok if feeling joy for someone else’s pregnancy or birth news is difficult for you right now. If needed, take a break from people, places, and situations that might be particularly challenging. This isn’t about disconnecting from others, but about giving yourself the time and space that you need to heal and refocus.

Share what you want to share. You do not need to answer pregnancy- or baby-focused questions or share your experience with others if you don’t want to. Set boundaries by letting people know that you don’t want to discuss those topics and that you would like to change the subject.

Surround yourself with kind and compassionate people who can support you in different ways. There are many support groups and organisations where you can feel seen and heard and less alone. Speaking to a therapist can also give you the space to process your feelings.

If you are experiencing infertility, know and hear this:

You are not alone.

Your feelings are valid.

Your needs are valid.

This blog post is a brief exploration of this topic and does not replace therapy. At SHIPS, we have practitioners that are knowledgeable and skilled in a variety of areas including sex therapy, relationships and more. If you may benefit from some support, please check out our website resources, or contact us.

We are also always happy to hear feedback about our blog articles. If you would like to share your experience or feel we may have missed something on this topic, please contact us to let us know.